Lord of the Rings: Deleted Scenes and shorts
by Chesterhorse1993
Summary: I had these strange dreams, falling asleep in the middle of the night watching LOTR. These dreams came into my head and then turned into these shorts...so enjoy...i have such creative dreams, don't I :D
1. Boromir's Last Request

Boromir's Last Moments

By Chesterhorse1993

A/N: I wanted to have some harmless fun and came up with a few Lord of the Rings Shorts. A few about Legolas cause well he's my middle earth man :D lol kidding. I don't own him. These are actually based off dreams I had. Except I was sucked into Lord of the Rings and got into a fist fight with Merry for some reason :/ I don't know it was a strange and weird dream.

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Boromir laid there, his heart slowing down and his breathing escalated to get his breath back. Aragorn kneeled beside him and wanted to give him a last final good-bye.

"I tried to take the ring, I'm so sorry" Boromir said, as he tried to gasp for breath.

"It's alright. He's escaped" Aragorn said, in a calm voice.

"Good, you did something I could not" Boromir said, coughing up.

Legolas and Gimili finally show up at the scene, after slaying down the orcs that were coming after them.

"May I ask for one last request?" Boromir asked, his breaths shortening.

"Anything" Aragorn said, giving a soft smile wishing to give Boromir his last request.

"Legolas...come here" Boromir said, as he motioned a finger for Legolas to come over. Legolas walked over and kneeled, brushing his hair out of his face to look at Boromir a lot better. "What is it that you ask as of your dying wish" Legolas began, as he put a hand to his heart and gave a slight bow of the head. Boromir lifted his hand up and placed it on Legolas's cheek.

"I've always admired you Legolas. You're so beautiful, so elegant...and you fight like a warrior" Boromir started as he gave a smile. Legolas gave sort of a shocked, but disgusted look. "Say, what?" Legolas said as he shoved his hand off his cheek.

"You're a beautiful and strong woman, Legolas. When the fellowship was over, I was planning to ask you to marry me. Now, all I ask is that you grant my last request...and kiss me" Boromir said, as he wrapped an arm around Legolas's waist which caused him to jump. Gimili was in the background as much as it was hard for him to see Boromir go, he couldn't help but laugh at Boromir's confusion with Legolas being a girl.

"Boromir I'm not-" Legolas was interrupted by Aragorn. "He's not going to deny your request, Boromir" Aragorn said, as he looked down at Boromir with a smile. Legolas shot him a dirty look. "Come on, Legolas. It's his last request" Aragorn pleaded with him. Legolas looked down at Boromir and gave a heavy sigh.

'Just make it quick, Legolas. The man is dying, the least you can do is give him his last request' Legolas thought to himself, taking a deep breath and calming down. "I Legolas, will grant you your last request" Legolas said. His sentence was cut off at the end when Boromir grabbed Legolas by the shoulders and kissed him roughly. This caused Legolas to jump up, but he was still held roughly by Boromir to his lips. Legolas tried to push the man off of him, but the elf was already held onto his lips. The dwarf, Gimili was cracking up laughing as he fell to the ground, clutching his stomach and his face turned a bright shade of red with laughter.

Boromir wrapped his arms around Legolas to bring him closer and force his tounge into his mouth, tasting the elf in his last and final moments. Legolas slipped under his feet and onto the man's chest as he kissed him roughly. Legolas tried to shove himself off of Boromir, but to no avail.

"I love you Legolas" Boromir said, as he removed his lips off of Legolas's and kept on kissing him roughly. He brought Legolas closer to him, grabbing his buttocks which caused Legolas to jump up and stand up. "Um...alright...i ah...love you too" he whispered the last words, mumbling them in a way that no one could hear, gagging at even saying it.

"I'm glad I had my last request. To kiss, the girl of my dreams" Boromir said, he gave one last choke and passed away on the ground.

Aragon pressed his lips against Boromir's forehead to wish him the best in the afterlife and stood up, looking over at Legolas. Legolas was too busy near the bushes whiping his tounge against some leaves he found to get the taste of Boromir out of his mouth. He looked over at Gimili, the small dwarf was on the ground holding his stomach as he laughed, red in the face.

"In the name of Gondor does Boromir think that I'm a girl!" Legolas said, still stuffing his mouth full of leaves to get the taste out of his mouth.

"Why don't you just look at yourself, ya pansy? Long blonde hair, blue eyes, smooth skin, and a figure that makes you look like a flat chested woman! It's no wonder Boromir mistaken you for a woman!" Gimili said and continued on with his laughing fit.

Legolas ran to the waters, scooping them up with his hands and drinking the water from it. Aragorn couldn't help but laugh at Legolas's reaction.

"Come on, Legolas. Let's save those hobbits" Aragorn said, as he tried to lead Legolas out of the water.

"20 more minutes...so I can get the taste of man out of my mouth" Legolas said, as he continued to wash his mouth out with the water.


	2. Choked Up

A/n: My dreams are so creative aren't they :D this was actually a dream I had during my LOTR obbsession. OMG I JUST REALIZED I SPELT GIMLI'S NAME WRONG D: i'm sorry, but hopefully you understood what i meant :D there might be more after this, hell i'm even working on a humor fanfic...people might get angry at me for dressing up Legolas like a girl in that fanfic, but I get bored easily :D so enjoy this funny fanfic. have no sense of humor...THEN YOU CAN SUCK MY FUNNY BONE AND GET ONE!

Choking up

Legolas and Gimili were in the camp, getting ready for the battle of the orcs in (i forget the name so insert name here). There were so few tents so they had to sleep in the same tent together with 2 different cots.

As soon as they got settled in, Gimili couldn't stand how too quiet it was. As much as he tried to quarrel the elf, he couldn't do it. Legolas wasn't the kind of person to start a fight with the dwarf. He learned to keep his comments to himself as he began to know and trust Gimili a little more.

"Don't get yourself killed out there, and see if you can beat my score" Legolas said, giving a small chuckle to joke around with the dwarf.

"Listen here, Knife-ear I can make it on my own!" Gimili said, feeling insulted.

"I was just wishing you the best of luck" Legolas said, calmly.

"Just shut your trap elf! I can fight off one million orcs!" Gimili said, tyring to look tough.

"Alright, if you say so" Legolas said, turning to face his friend. Gimili took a few grapes off a small bowl to feed his hunger.

"Why don't you just quarrel with me? Get angry do something!" Gimili yelled, eating one of the grapes.

"I prefer to save my rage and energy for the war, Gimili" Legolas said, laying down on the cot, but sitting up, with his legs straight. He still looked at Gimili who gave an angry look in his eye.

"Quit being so smug elf!" Gimili said as he threw one of the grapes at him.

"I'm not being smuuu-gah" Legolas opened his mouth to speak, but the grape went in his mouth and got lodged in his throat making him choke. He held his neck, coughing, weezing, and gagging to try and either swallow the grape, or cough it out.

Gimili stood up from the cot and walked over to Legolas to help him out. He got up on his cot and shook his shoulders trying to get the grape out.

Meanwhile, outside the tent Aragorn walked over to Legolas's and Gimili's tent. He wanted to see his friends one last time, just in case something were to go wrong. As soon as he was about to approach the tent he saw a light in the tent that caused shadows to appear on the tent's walls. All he saw was Gimili grabbing a hold of Legolas's shoulders and shaking him roughly and hearing the gasping and choking from Legolas. He tilted his head to the side, watching.

"Are they doing, what I think they're doing" Aragorn said to himself. Eowyn showed up next to him.

"Aragorn, I just wanted to say good-" her sentence was cut short when she turned to see what he was watching.

"Come now Legolas, come to me!" Gimili yelled at Legolas still shaking his shoulders.

Eowyn and Aragorn's imagination went wild with what they were witnessing.

Back in the tent, Gimili was still shaking Legolas trying to get the grape out of his throat. Gimili had an idea and turned Legolas around wrapping his arms around him and giving him a few squeezes.

"Legolas, lean down a bit!" Gimili commanded. At this point, Legolas would do anythign Gimili said to get this grape out of his throat and leaned down, putting his one arm on the bed to hold himself up and the other on his neck. He heeved and gasped for air. Gimili began to push harder on his stomach to try and get him to cough it out.

"It...hurts...Gimili...it hurts" he managed to say while choking on the grape.

Outside the tent, an audience was made out of warriors watching the 2 'go at it' as they said.

"I wouldn't have suspected the two. I mean they're always fighting and the species are different let alone they're the same gender" Aragorn said, still his head tilting as he watched.

"It's love, they never let gender or race! I mean what if one dies in war, the other one will be sad! They should enjoy their last night of passion together" Eowyn said, admiring the two and their 'love'.

"Aragorn, I wish to speak to you about..." Elrond said, walking over then seeing the show. "What in blazes...this is an outrage! An elf and a dwarf? I won't tolerate it" Elrond yelled in fury as he watched.

In the tent again, Legolas's eyes rolled to the back of his head and felt the grape about to come out. "Its coming, its coming...its coming!" Legolas screeched as he choked the grape. Gimili gave one last hard squeeze and a loud grunt as Legolas screamed out a breath of fresh air, ridding the grape from his mouth.

He fell on the bed, panting and heeving to get his breath back. Gimili hopped off the bed and stood looking over at the heaving Legolas.

"Are you angry with me?" Gimili said, a slight smile on his face. Maybe this is it, maybe Legolas will finally yell at him.

"Angry yes, but it was a mistake. I understand. Thank you for helping me though" Legolas said, his breath slowly coming back to him.

"No! You were suppose to be angry at me! Heck, after what I just did you'd think you be angry with me! The least you can do is do the same to me!" Gimili yelled at the blonde elf.

Legolas let out a sigh. "I wouldn't wish such things for you. Good night" Legolas said, laying in the covers and trying to fall asleep.

Gimili got angry and tackled the elf on the bed. He grabbed the elf by the ears and pulled him off the bed. Legolas had sensitive ears so it caused him to fall off the bed, holding them in his hands.

Legolas got angry and unleashed hell on the dwarf. "That's it! Nobody touches the ears!" Legolas said, grabbing the elf by the beard and pulling him down on top of him then rolled over so he was on top, pulling at his beard.

"HAHA! Yes! Pretty boy snaps! About freaking time!" Gimili yelled at him.

Legolas grabbed his neck and began to choke him a bit, not enough to stop his breathing, but tight enough for him not to get up. He slammed his head, not hard but sort of gentle as he talked.

"I...going...to...teach...you...a...lesson!" Legolas yelled, as he threw the dwarf's head down a few times.

Outside the tent everyone in the whole camp was watching now. Heck, you would've have probably saw Arwen there watching as well.

"Score 1 for elves!" Elrond said as he saw Legolas get on top of Gimili. As long as Legolas was on top, he didn't care.

Back in the tent, Gimili kicked Legolas in the *clears throat* baby barers causing the elf to wallow over in pain. Gimili got back on top of him, as Legolas laid on the ground with his buttocks in the air. Gimili grabbed Legolas and gave him a small bite on the behind which caused Legolas to yelp in pain.

"You're not playing fair you cheater!" Legolas shouted, shifting himself around a bit. Doing that caused Gimili's beard to get knotted up in Legolas's belt and he was stuck close to a certain part of Legolas he didnt' wish to be stuck on. His face closed to Legolas's crotch.

"Gah! My beard is stuck" Gimili said, trying to pull his beard off his belt. Legolas tried to push his head away from his crotch.

"Hold still, you stupid dwarf" Legolas said, trying to untangle the beard hairs off his belt. "You're struggling is hurting me" Legolas complained a bit, trying to get Gimili to calm down.

"Well forgive me for panicking on getting this close to a man's precious manhood for the first time" Gimili complained, putting his hands on the ground and trying to yank himself. Legolas had his hand on Gimili's head trying to pull him off but winded up getting whipped back and smacked him hard against Legolas's precious jewels and he screamed out in pain.

Outside, was well...a different story. They never heard the line where Gimili said "My beard is stuck" and just kept watching. Hell, Boromir came back from the dead to see the show.

"I'm disgusted yet can't look away" Elrond said, still watching.

"It's so romantic" Eowyn said, breathlessly.

"And to think it was the fellowship that brought those two together" Gandalf said, watching with them.

"Don't we have a war to be planning" one of the soldiers said.

"After this" Eowyn said as she held her hand up to keep the soldier shut.

In the tent again Legolas and Gimili yanked and pulled to try and get themselves out of the predictment they were in. Legolas moved his hand to squish a grape that Gimili dropped and the juice shot up and hit Gimili in the eye.

"OUCH!" Gimili said, pulling back as his beard pulled off the belt and rubbing his eyes.

"I didn't mean to do that" Legolas said, innocnetly getting up and checking up on him. "Are you alright?" Legolas asked.

"It shot and hit me in the eye" Gimili said, holding his eyes.

Outside the tent the juice that squirted out looked like something else as it hit him in the eye. Everyone gasped, and looking at Legolas as a calm, collective person just shattered.

"Well great, now that we are even. Let's get some sleep and forget this ever happened" Legolas said, getting up off the ground and laying in his cot.

"Stupid elf, you couldn't at least said sorry for looking at...that" Gimili said, crawling into his cot.

"Good night, Gimili" Legolas said, not wanting to argue with him any longer and went to sleep.

"GAH! Stupid elf" Gimili said, keeping under the covers.

Outside the tent everyone stood with shocked look on their expressions.

"Score 2 for Elves, and one for the Dwarf. It proves that elves can make more passionate love than anything else" Eldorn said, a smile to his face and walked away.

As the Elf and Dwarf slept, they didn't expect to be greeted by the stares of people, heck even getting a few claps.

"Do you know why they're clapping at us" Legolas asked, innocently.

"I have no idea, and I don't care" Gimili said, hopping on his horse with Legolas in the front like always.

"So beautiful" Eowyn said, looking at the two. They cocked they're eyebrows at her and rode off into war.


	3. Merry And Pippin's Drunken Spur

A/n: As a request from Zelda12343 who wanted one with Merry and Pippin, here it is :D i thought it would be kind of amusing to once again get the men of LOTR to be confused with Legolas's gender. I mean, look at that long blonde hair and tell me he doesn't look like a girl from the back. So anyway here it comes. Yes, I do take requests. Feel free to say an idea like...Aragorn gets a bath for the first time in ages or something like that. Anyway enjoy!

Over in Isenguard after Merry, Pippin and all the other tree herders defeated the orcs and Saruman came a drinking party with drinking games to celebrate their success. After Gimli passed out due to too much achohol, Legolas walked away and went to watch Merry and Pippin sing and dance on the table. The amused look on their faces caused Legolas to smile and laugh, even clap to their singing. Merry and Pippin were drunk off their noggin, as Merry swung an arm around Pippin's shoulder and whispered something in his ear.

"Check out that blonde, elven maiden checking us out. Do you think it would be kind of awesome if we went back to the Shire and told everyone we were able to get with a elven maiden" Merry said, as he held his mug and took another sip from it. "Oi, indeed it would, Merry. We should as her to dance" Pippin said, as he looked over at this 'elven maiden'. His vision was too blurred from the achohol to see the male features of Legolas planted on his face and only noticed the blonde hair. "Yes, we should, Pippin" Merry said, as he gave him a slight pat on the back. Pippin pointed over at Legolas. "Hey, come here. We have a surprise for you" Pippin said, his words sounding as drunk as he was. Legolas wondered what it could be, curiousness took control of him as to what it was and why they would give him a surprise.

He walked over to the table and looked up at the two hobbits. "Yes? What is it you two?" Legolas asked. Merry and Pippin leaned down and grabbed Legolas's hands and pulled him up on the table with them. "Dance with us, it is a celebration after all" Merry said, as she kicked his feet out and continued to dance. Legolas stood sheepishly nervous, especially at the attention that was drawn to him. Merry and Pippin hooked arms with Legolas on both sides and began to circle the poor elf around.

"Come on, Legolas! If you can't beat them, join them" Eomer yelled from the crowd, a large smile on his face and laughing. "I suppose your right" Legolas said, as Merry and Pippin let go of his arms and danced with him. Legolas kicked his legs like they were doing and danced with him, he also seemed to be having a ball while doing so. Laughing, dancing and singing with the two hobbits.

Then it all ended, when Merry and Pippin went from behind him and whispered to each other. "You ready, Pippin?" Merry asked him. "Ready, Merry" Pippin said as the high fived each other. Legolas wasn't paying attention till he felt a swift smack on his behind from two hands. Legolas placed his hands on his buttocks and rubbed it. "Merry! Pippin! I'm appauled that you would do such a thing!" Legolas snapped a bit. Though it got quite a laugh from the audience that watched them.

"Oi, relax beautiful Elvish Maiden. We'll treat you good" Merry said, as he gave another quick wack on Legolas's butt again which caused him to let out a shriek of surprise. "Wait, elvish maiden?" Legolas questioned, a bit confused. "Beautiful Maiden of this Tavern, there is no other that I rather Fathern, for your looks make me swoon, so now let's fly to the moon" Pippin sung to Legolas, drunkly. Merry gave Pippin another high five. "Nice way to impress the lady" Merry said to Pippin.

"You think that I'm a-" Legolas was interrupted by Merry hooking arms with him and swinging him around. Legolas tried to keep up, but wind up stumbling. "They must be on a drunken spur" Legolas said, to himself as he yanked his arms back, but once he did he lost his balance on the table and fell on the group of men that were watching the show. Merry and Pippin stopped their dancing and looked at Legolas worriedly, or in their eyes the "elvish maiden". Legolas got up and apologized to the men and dusted himself off.

"This is just like that incident with Boromir" Legolas complained as he dusted himself off and helped the men up. Merry and Pippin gave apologic looks to Legolas, as Legolas turned around and gave them sort of a scowl. He went to go storm off when Merry and Pippin hopped off the table and grabbed Legolas's shoulders pulling him down and they both gave Legolas a kiss on both his cheeks. Legolas yanked himself out of this and yelled at the top of his lungs "GAH! I can't wait for you two to sober up!" Legolas yelled, getting rather annoyed with the hobbits.

"Relax, gorgeous" Pippin said, as he wrapped an arm around Legolas's waist in which Legolas replied by pushing his arm back off his waist.

"We know how to treat a lady" Merry replied, with a hiccup. Legolas slapped his forehead. "I think I'm going to be sick" Legolas said, though it could have been the achohol from the drinking game that was talking. "Here, why don't you come to our room and relax" Pippin said, as he grabbed Legolas's hand to try and lead him out the door. Legolas yanked it away and went to walk away when another hand grabbed him. It was Merry's hand. "Yes, indeed. Why don't you come up to our room and have a rest? A woman of your standards shouldn't be left in a tavern full of dirty men" Merry said, as he dragged Legolas out of the tavern.

"Let me go you two" Legolas said, as Pippin regrabbed the other hand again. The other men in the tavern watched and laughed as he was lead out by two hobbits.

"So now that leaves Eowyn" one of the men in the tavern yelled, as one of the people who thought Legolas was a girl too. "No! Not my sister!" Eomer said, as he grabbed his sister and threw her over his shoulder and walked out the tavern to protect her from any men that laid eyes on her.


	4. The Precious

A/n: Holy crap Zelda12343 requested a bunch 0.o but being the nice person I am, I will do each thing one at a time, but the one thing she requested that was labled "Something with Aragorn" and "Legolas being more confused for a girl" will be a mix. Anyway, this is the one thing she requested which was "Something with Frodo, Sam and Gollum" so I went a little dirty with this one and made up a dirty reason as to why Gollum was so obbsessed with the ring in the first place. Hope you enjoy it!

My Precious

Frodo, Sam, and Gollum on their way to Mordor decided to set up camp for the night. Once they fonud the right place to settle in for the night and eat their rations they rolled their small blankets and pillows out to tuck in for the night. Sam, looked towards Frodo and smiled at him. "Get your rest Mister Frodo. We have a long journey tomorrow" he said, as sweet as he always was. (Seriously besides the pair Merry and Pippin, Sam is my favorite hobbit for being so sweet)

"Good night, Sam" Frodo said, as he rolled over and tried to go asleep, but the power of the ring was to over powering and he hardly slept at all, but it was a good thing he was. Otherwise he wouldn't have felt the small, gray, slender fingers wrap around the ring that strapped to the chain around his neck and pulled out, Sting the long elven blade and shoved off the offender and pointed the blade at the offender's neck only to see that it was Gollum.

"Gollum? What on earth do you think your doing?" Frodo asked as he pulled the blade back from Gollum's throat. Upon, hearing all the comotion Sam woke up and pulled his small slender knife out of defense.

"Please, don't hurt Smeagol" Gollum or now Smeagol cried out, scared ouf of his wits. "You know you can't have the ring, it must be destroyed to save not only your own madness, but all of middle earth" Sam said, angry at Gollum for even trying such a thing.

"But, but Smeagol needs precious. It calls to Smeagol" he cried out, as she slipped out of Frodo's grasp and back in a crouching position holding himself.

"What draws you to the ring, Gollum?" Sam asked, tilting his head to the side.

"You see, Smeagol doesn't have the looks to get pretty woman" Smeagol asked, shyly.

"What are you saying? You wanted to have the ring to give it to a pretty woman" Frodo asked, confusingly.

"No, Smeagol is pretty ugly" Smeagol asked, as his gaze shifted off to the side and still held himself in his arms.

"Now Gollum...Smeagol I mean, you don't need a golden ring to look great" Frodo said, with a small warm smile on his face.

"No no, Smeagol need ring for...other purposes" Smeagol said, as he grabbed the ring, but didn't tear it from Frodo, instead just twiddled it in his fingers a bit.

"Other purposes?" Frodo questioned, his head tilting to the side.

"What purpose is that, Gollum" Sam asked, as he cocked a brow up.

"Can we just say Smeagol needs an issue of "PlayElf" to enjoy the precious" Smeagol said, as he held up a small magazine up. Frodo looked down at the ring and immediatly new what Gollum meant and took the chain off, handing it to Sam.

"Here, the fate of middle earth is in your hands now" Frodo said, fast. He was sort of freaked out now at what the ring had been through up to the point it landed in his relative's hands. "No no, Master Frodo. This was your fate, you take the ring" Sam said as she shoved the ring away from him back to Frodo.

"No I insist Sam. Something tells me you would do a lot better at defending the very item that can possibly destroy Middle earth" Frodo said, as she shoved the ring back. "Frodo, savior of Middle earth sounds like a good title for you" Sam said as he pushed the ring back and forth. They went on like this for about 2 minutes and then the ring fell into the cracks of the mountain. The crack was big enough for the ring, but not big enough for human, hobbit, elf, dwarf, orc, any kind of fingers out there to retrieve it.

"Gandalf would be so ashamed of me for loosing the ring out of my own disgust" Frodo said, as he huddled in a corner. Sam and Gollum were in their own world as they looked through the pages of "PlayElf" Magazine.

"Hey Mister Frodo, Arwen's in this version. Aragorn and Elrond is going to be angry when he finds out about this" Sam yelled to Frodo.

-the end-

A/N: not a very long one I know, but I had a hard time trying to come up with something for it so I just thought of the one joke I had as to why Smeagol would call the ring his "Precious". And the ending, I still can't get enough over XD. Aragorn will be shitting bricks to find out Arwen was in PlayElf.


End file.
